Goodbye to a wonderful girl

In an earlier post, I talked about our big dog Gracie pooping blood.  Two weeks went by and she seemed to be alright, until this past week.

 

On Wednesday, we noticed that Gracie was really lethargic and seemed to be breathing heavily even though she was just resting.  The Hubby decided to stay home and take her to the vet.  They did x-rays and discovered that her heart was enlarged.  They wanted us to take her to Gulf Coast Veterinary Specialists.  I met the Hubby at the vet and we took Gracie down there.  Dr. Heald discovered that her heart was beating about 3 times the normal speed.  He was very attentive and sexplained it to us for about a half hour.  He drew a diagram of the heart and showed us that Gracie’s upper chambers were not working with her lower chambers and because it was beating so fast, there wasn’t enough time for the heart to fill with blood.  So instead of a smooth flow of blood, it was going off in spurts.  He described her heart as “quivering” instead of “beating.”  He said they needed to keep her overnight and try different medications to slow her heart down.  We left our Gracie there, knowing she was in the best possible care.  The doctor called throughout the night to give us updates.  They also discovered what could be tumors in her kidney and liver.  He said it was a much more serious situation – the heart was just the tip of the iceberg.  We prayed that Gracie would make it through the night so that we could see her at least one more time.

 

On Thursday, we went back up to the hospital.  We spent time with her, but that got her too excited and they were still having trouble slowing her heart down.  All the regular medications weren’t working and they were running out of options.  Since we couldn’t be with Gracie, we stayed on that side of town and wandered around aimlessly.  At about 1 pm, we got a call from Dr. Heald tellign us that the medicines weren’t working.

 

We went back to the vet and got to visit with her again.  The doctor got on the floor with us as we pet Gracie.  We discussed the quality of life and talked about what an amazing pet Gracie was.  The doctor knew and said that the entire staff was absolutely in love with her.  If we treated the lymphoma (it was definitely tumors on her kidney and liver and they most likely made microscopic deposits in the heart), we would do more damage to an already damaged heart.  If we took her home to live out her days there, she wouldn’t have lasted long since Gracie would get excited even if a fly flew by.  We couldn’t put her through any more trials to slow her heart down.  It wasn’t fair to Gracie and nothing was working.  We made the painful decision to let her go.  We had a lot of time with her before they did it and Gracie was showered with thanks and love and hugs and kisses.  She gave us kisses and looked in our eyes as if she understood what was happening.  Dr. Heald came back and gave her the overdose of barbiturates.  Even as she was passing, she was still showering the Hubby with kisses as he held her.  Needless to say, we are devastated.

 

Our house does not feel like a home anymore without Gracie there, but every day, it gets a little easier to bare.  We see her everywhere – in the scratched walls, the half-chewed corner of the entertainment center, the hair that has gathered on the stairs, the blinds that are torn up because she wanted to see when we came home, and in the couch where we used to cuddle.  We realized when we came home that she was our shadow.  I find myself looking down so I don’t step on her whenever I’m in the kitchen.  Life will never be the same.  She will always be remembered and treasured.  Anyone who knew Gracie knew that she had so much love to give (sometimes too much).  It was not shocking her heart was too big.  She was a great mommy to the Bugaboo – very protective and playful.  It’s a shame because Bugaboo was just starting to really play with the dogs and she and Gracie would have so much fun.  We have another dog Bobo and he’s starting to feel it.  We’re trying to give him a lot of attention and love.  On Saturday night, he started getting a little needy and he’s been leaving “presents” around the house.  I’m going to talk to the vet today about getting another dog – how long do we wait for Bobo’s sake?  He’d gotten used to having a companion.  I’ll let you know what they say.  It tears me up because Bobo knew Gracie better than anybody.

 

We picked out a beautiful marker for her that will have her picture on it.  We’ll put that in our backyard.  One of the selling points of the house was that backyard for Gracie.  It was so big and we pictured her running and playing all over it, only to find out that she preferred to be in the house with us.  We’re having her cremated and will have her ashes in an appropriate urn we found that will be kept on the piano – where she would always listen to us play.

 

We lost a great pet, but now God has one of his angels back.  If not all dogs go to Heaven, Gracie definitely made it through, scratching at the pearly gates and making St. Peter shout, “Get out the paint!”

Nothing

It’s been a while since I posted and there are so many things running through my head that I need to post!

 

First off, the Super Bowl was wonderful.  I wish the Cardinals had won, but oh well.  The best part was after the Super Bowl when a special one-hour episode of The Office aired.  It was one of the funniest ones yet.  And I also got teary eyed – moments were utterly painful.  If it was your first time to watch, then it was a great intro into Office life.  It was painful, uncomfortable – just plain wonderful!  Did anyone see it?

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Next, my dear friend Patrick sent me Milk to watch over the weekend and we watched it Friday night with Brandon.  I love the way it was filmed – it looked like it was straight out of the 70s.  However, I really didn’t care for the movie, which surprised me!  I love every actor in it, the story fascinates me, and yet I felt nothing watching the movie.  I feel that there was a lot that could be edited out.  And then there was a lot more that could be expanded.  It also felt incredibly long.  Granted, we took three or more breaks during the movie, but that’s not a good thing!  I don’t agree that it should be up for as many awards as it is.  Having said that, the performances are wonderful and Sean Penn as always is at the top of his game.

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On Thursday night, our dog Gracie got sick.  Gracie is a huge dog – please see pic below:

Anyway, she started shitting blood.  No joke.  I looked it up online and they said it’s fairly common in dogs.  I have never seen this!  It wasn’t tons of blood, so we decided not to take her to the emergency vet, but take her to our vet Friday morning.  We woke up on Friday to a blood bath.  DISGUSTING!  Poor little angel.  We took her to the vet.  They said it could’ve been anything – stress, something she ate, constipation – anything.  They gave her special food, a shot, and antibiotics for a week.  We haven’t had an instance since.

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This weekend, we got Hubby an Xbox 360 for his birthday.  We also got Guitar Hero World Tour, Guitar Hero Aerosmith, Gears of War, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.  I’d say we cleaned up.  Well, while we were at Best Buy picking all this up, I had an incredible moment with Bugaboo.  I was distracted by something and I caught her out of the corner of my eye staring at me (she was in the shopping cart).  I looked at her and she had this really peaceful look on her face.  She was staring into my eyes like never before.  She had a half-smile.  Of course, my heart started melting.  I felt like she was telling me how much she loved me.  She looked so incredibly happy.  It’s like that moment you realize you love someone – she had THAT face.  I smiled at her and we were about an inch apart.  Then she leaned forward a little more, puckered up, moaned for a kiss, and that was that.  It was honestly one of the best moments I’ve had as a mother.  Highlight of my year right there.

 

With that, I conclude my Seinfeld-like post about nothing.  Well, nothing and a precious little girl.

Random thoughts

Last night, we watched the football game between Texas and Ohio State.  It was a great game.  I fell asleep in the second half, but I woke up to Hubby screaming when Texas got a touchdown with 16 seconds left.  I was as happy as I could be considering the fact that I’d been sleeping for an hour.

 

I wrote Bugaboo’s doctor today.  She sleeps at LEAST 12 hours a night and takes a 2 hour nap during the day, sometimes more.  On the weekends, she’ll sleep a good 14 hours at night.  While I know we should be grateful for this, I couldn’t help thinking that maybe something was wrong!  So, I wrote the doc and she said that as long as Bugaboo was alert and active when she’s awake, then I should enjoy the extra time that we get without a baby around us.  So, that’s what we’ll do.  Actually, we already do that.  When Bugaboo goes to sleep, that’s when Rock Band comes out, or Weeds gets turned on, or the Hubby and I get it on. 

 

The blessings I’m counting today are easy:

1. Bugaboo’s sleeping habits are awesome.

2. My friend Patrick is sending me Revolutionary Road.

3. Tonight we’re having Chicken Tetrazzini – one of my favorites!

4. Cathy asked me to be Jackson’s Godmother.

5. Texas won.

 

Speaking of Cathy and me being the Godmother, I’m so honored.  Honestly.  I know what a big deal this is.  When Hubby and I were picking the Godparents for Bugaboo, we put a lot of thought into it and eventually decided that I would choose the Godmother (with his approval) and he would choose the Godfather (with my approval).  For the next child, it will be reversed.  Cathy’s the Godmother to 2 other children besides my little one.  She has many great friends, so for me to be chosen as a spiritual guide (for lack of a better word) for her little one is just awesome.  We’ve been best friends for about 14 years now and now we’re each the Godmothers to the other’s first born.  Awesome.

 

This was just a post of random tidbits going on in my life.  Tomorrrow, let one of my blessings be that my mind is more organized. 

Count your blessings

The New Year has been alright so far.  Because I’m Clark Griswold, I of course expected it to be much better than it is.  Here is what I have accomplished in this New Year:

* I have found that I like and am actually good at some instruments on Rock Band

* I have celebrated the birthday of one of my oldest friends

* I have seen a new movie and I’ve watched a TV show that friends have been telling me to watch

That’s about it.  It’s not terribly shabby considering we’re on Day 5.  One particular day, I was in a crabby mood and decided that I needed to start counting my blessings.  I once had a journal that was called “Count Your Blessings” and each day, you were supposed to list 5 blessings in your life.  They can be anything.  Even the smallest things like rain or a cup of coffee.  My life could be MUCH worse, so I need to remember to be grateful for all the little things I have.  Here are my 5 blessings today (in no particular order):

1. I get to play Rock Band tonight.

2. I remembered to put clothes out last night for today and didn’t have to stress when dressing this morning.

3. I got to visit with my old boss this morning.

4. My office is more organized for the New Year.

5. Today is Christina’s 30th birthday.

5 things for me to remember when Emma starts crying or I can’t get  a program to work or I realize I forgot my sunglasses (DAMN IT!).  5 small things that will make me smile throughout the day. 

Resolutions: Content or Lazy?

This past weekend, Hubby and I kept talking about resolutions.  I’ve only ever made one resolution that I actually stuck with and that was to quit smoking.  It’s amazing that it stuck, but my desire for healthy children outweighed my need for a cigarette.  Other resolutions: to exercise more, save money, eat better, etc., would last for about a month and then fizzle out.  I’d pass a McDonald’s and say, “Just this once,” or I’d be too tired to bust out the Yoga video, or there would be a sale that I’d just have to blow my money on.

 

Resolutions are strange to me.  On one hand, it’s good to always strive to do better and be better, and perhaps the way to do that is to make changes here and there.  Once a year isn’t asking for so much.  On the other hand, you’re trying to change who you are on some level.  Aren’t we supposed to be happy with our station in life?  Aren’t we supposed to be settled and satisfied?  No.  However, you have to be realistic.  My husband always hears me say, “I want to be one of THOSE people.”  In fact, I say it so often, you might think that I hate who I am!  Honestly, I don’t hate who I am.  I’d want to hang out with myself if I wasn’t already.  So then why, oh why, do I want to be someone else?  I want to be the person who sends a birthday card to all her friends.  I want to be the person who calls her family every Sunday.  I want to be the person who has all family pictures organized.  I want to be the person who has towels and flowers to match the season.  I want to be the person who always has a dessert in the refrigerator.  I want to be the person who knows how to make such great mixed drinks, you’d swear I used to work in a bar.  I want to be the person who can cook without looking at a recipe.  I want to be the person who’s house always smells clean and fresh.  I want to be the person who has family pictures all over the house.  Will I be all this?  The answer is most likely no.  But I start out each year with my list of people I want to be and the first month goes by swimmingly.  All you people with January birthdays can expect a cute funny card that was picked out just for you.  We’ve succeeded with the seasonal flowers, but not the seasonal towels.  I made a dessert once for a week and it was delish.  I know Hubby would love it if I could keep that up.  I am the worst at mixed drinks.  In fact, I once made a Screwdriver for someone and poured half the bottle of Vodka in the glass and added a splash of orange juice.  The person passed out before 8 pm.  I have to look at a recipe when I cook, but I’m getting better about knowing spices and what I prefer in a meal.  My grandmother bought us some reed-smelly-thingys that I think will keep our house with the nice, fresh scent.  And we need to get frames if we’re going to put up the million family pictures that we have.

 

So, without a clear goal like “Quit smoking,” I think resolutions are hard.  I mean, I’ll TRY to do all these things, but I think I might be aiming a little too high.  Stopping smoking was really important to me because we wanted to get pregnant and I wasn’t going to be one of those moms.  I also didn’t want to be associated with the smell as far as my baby girl was concerned.  All these other things would just be icing on a really great cake that I already have.  If I don’t get to them, my life will go on and I will be just as happy at the end of the year as I am at the beginning.  Could that be the reason I don’t stick well to so many resolutions?  Or am I just lazy?  Oh dear…  Let’s go with me being happy.

 

Happy New Year!

104 useless facts

A while ago, my dear friend Katy wrote a blog for her 100th blog-versary.  I loved it and read all 100 things.  I’m now on my 104th blog entry.  I missed my 100th.  So, I will be doing a 104th blog-versary.  I have no idea if I have 104 things to say, but we’ll find out. 

1. Married to hubby for 3 1/2 years.

2. We have one daughter, Bugaboo, who is 15 months old.

3. I’ve been doing theatre since I was 6 years old (I’m the gray cat in the middle – first show).

4. I’m obsessed with Harry Potter.

5. I’m obsessed with The Office.

6. Instead of practicing my Tony speech in the mirror, I do fake interviews with Oprah.

7. I’ve worked in every possible company from trash collecting to funeral services.

8. My parents divorced when I was 3.

9. I’ve lived in Houston, Katy, Albuquerque, New York, and Chicago.

10. I’ve never traveled outside the United States.

11. I have one older brother who I’m finally friends with after 30 years.

12. Oh yeah, I had my 30th birthday not too long ago.

13. My favorite stuffed animals growing up were Ernie and Mighty Joe Young.  My brother bought my daughter an Ernie for Christmas.

14. We have two dogs: a Bichon named Valjean (we call him Bobo) and a Rottweiler mix named Gracie.

15. I’ve had the same best friend for about 14 years.

16. My greatest fear is sharks.

17. I have more nightmares than the average person is supposed to have (you’re supposed to have an average of 1 a year, I have at least 1 every two weeks).

18. Hubby is one of the funniest people I know.

19. One of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend.

20. Disney World is the happiest place on Earth.

21. There’s only one pianist I really enjoy singing with – that’s Mikey.  I enjoy others, but don’t have the same relationship with them.

22. I’ve played piano since I was 3 years old.

23. I played violin from age 4-10.

24. The first show I ever saw was Annie.

25. I ended up playing Annie in both Houston and Chicago at the ages of 11 and 12.

26. I used to dream of being on Broadway.

27. I have a very good memory.

28. I dyed my hair red at the age of 12 and most of it has stayed in for some reason – I was blonde before that.

29. My first boyfriend was in 2nd grade.

30. My first closed mouth kiss was in 3rd grade.

31. My first French kiss was in 5th grade at the roller rink.

32. The boy I kissed was not my boyfriend.

33. My best friend and I shared the same French kisser for our first kiss and we didn’t meet each other until 5 years later.

34. I smoked for 11 years.

35. My favorite show I’ve ever done was Tommy.

36. My least favorite show I’ve done was Carnival.

37. I used to be incredibly shy.

38. Hubby broke up with me 2 days before he proposed.

39. I talk to my mom at least 5 times a day, except on weekends, which is bizarre.

40. I’ve rediscovered my love for crayons and coloring since introducing my daughter to it this past weekend.

41. I listen to Rod Ryan in the morning on The Buzz, but I hate that station.

42. My favorite band is Counting Crows.

43. But I hate their most recent album.

44. I’ve seen Counting Crows in concert 5 times.

45. Once was front row center when they performed with my other favorite band Live.

46. Mine and Hubby’s first dance at our wedding was to “Your Song” by Elton John.

47. I once auditioned for American Idol (here’s my face when looking at the crowd of people there):

48. I run an American Idol competition every year for money.

49. One of my favorite places to visit is Hubby’s family at the farm in Louisiana.

50. I once farted backstage and I saw people’s reactions as it made it’s way to the other side of the stage – it was FOUL.  No one knew I did it.

51. I want 3 children, but will probably stop at 2.

52. I honestly don’t care if we have a boy or girl next.  I’d love a boy to have one of each, but I would love to raise sisters, too.

53. We already have names picked out if the next one is a boy or girl.

54. When I was 11, I had an 18-year-old boyfriend.

55. It’s still not strange to me because it seems like it was yesterday, but when I think of Bugaboo doing that, I get sick.

56. My favorite PBS series was I, Claudius.

57. I’m brutally honest, sometimes.

58. I can’t watch anything on TV where children get hurt.

59. One of my favorite shows is 24.

60. I’ve loved Kiefer Sutherland since his Lost Boys days.

61. I used to have a top 5 (people I could cheat on my husband with) that included: Robert Downey Jr., Jake Gyllenhaal, Kiefer Sutherland, Gary Oldman (I know), and Adam Duritz (I know)

62. Speaking of Gary Oldman, one of the greatest movies is Immortal Beloved.

63. I’m a HUGE fan of the movie Say Anything…

64. “She gave me a pen.  I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.”

65. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but it went by too quickly this year.

66. My birthday is 9/11 – it sucked in 2001.

67. I’m a Democrat.

68. I supported Hillary, but now completely support Obama and am very excited about the direction he could take our country.

69. Hehe… 69…

70. I love roller skating, but haven’t done it in years.

71. There are certain people in my life that are my absolute favorites that I think about daily and they don’t even know.

72. Two of those people read this blog, and that is Katy and Patrick.

73. One of my favorite things in the world is to see people fall.

74. I still crave a cigarette from time to time.

75. I love karaoke.

76. One of my favorite people to hang out with is O’Dell because of all the potential crap that might happen when we’re together (here we are with Melly).

77. I once drove drunk from Galveston to Houston.

78. You think that’s bad, one time it was from Austin to Houston.  I have no recollection of either of these.

79. I’ve been in 15 accidents and most have been with poles.

80. None of them have been when I was drinking, amazingly enough.

81. None of them have happened in the past 8 years.

82. The first one was when I was 11 years old and it was a pole outside my teacher’s house in my neighborhood.

83. I lost my virginity at 16 years old at about 10 am on a Sunday morning before seeing Grease with my mom.

84. I went to 3 proms in high school.

85. I once broke up with a guy because he was a bad kisser.

86. I think about death constantly.

87. I used to love driving, but now hate it.

88. I’m the Clark Griswold of holidays – I expect them to be much better and grander than they are.

89. My intentions are never bad.

90. I still have my diary from 2nd grade.

91. I once thought about converting to Judaism for a guy.

92. Since having a child, my faith in God has grown tremendously.

93. My first car was a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

94. It was a piece of crap

95. I miss it.

96. I have a secret desire to own a bookstore.

97. I love board games, but no one ever plays with me!

98. I’ve been to over 10 funerals – sang at 2 and played piano at 1.

99. I’ve been in 4 weddings, including my own.  Will be in my 5th wedding in March.

100. I don’t think there’s a climactic way to end this post, so I leave you with this: I sleep on the left side of the bed.

 

And there you have it.  100 things you could have cared less to know. 

 

101. I just realized I said there would be 104 things.

102. 104 KRBE used to be my favorite station way back when.

103. I love roller coasters.

104. One day, I want to take a cross-country road trip.

 

Alright, 4 more things you didn’t need to know.

Payback’s a bitch

We had our big Hubbard Family Christmas gathering yesterday, and I must say it was a smashing success!  We had the whole group – our family, plus my mom, her sister, and their dad, 6 of my cousins and their families, and my mom’s best friend (who’s been adopted into our family).  There were 3 kids under the age of 2 and then one 6-year-old.  Bugaboo went down for a nap that morning, but I made it really short so that hopefully, she’d go down for a nice nap in the afternoon while we ate our lunch.  That was a mistake…

 

Bugaboo is at an age where what’s hers is hers and she doesn’t want to share.  It’s to be expected and it’s perfectly alright – in fact, I think it’s great!  She’s establishing her territory and it’s giving us opportunities to teach her about sharing and helping her understand that it’s still hers even if someone else is playing with it.  Anyway, yesterday, two of the babies were playing with her stuff.  One had her favorite musical train and the other had her set of drums.  I was holding Bugaboo.  She wasn’t crying, but she was staring at these two ragamuffins with a look like, “It’s alright, you’ll get what’s coming to you…”

 

Later on, Bugaboo was playing with a big bouncy ball that my cousin gave her for Christmas.  She loved this thing and the higher it bounced, the better.  She bounced it between me and her daddy.  Then the babies came into the picture.  Next thing we knew, she was pegging one of the kids with the ball, and then turned her sights on the other.  Babies are much quicker than the fastest of adults, and we got to her by the time the second baby was pegged.  See the smile in the pic below?  This was shortly before it happened – she knew what she was doing… 

 

Bugaboo gave us a look like, “It’s done,” and didn’t bother them again.  The babies were alright, but looked a little shocked.  Needless to say, no one played with Bugaboo’s toys after that and she was perfectly content. 

Missing the bro at Christmastime

My mom flies in town today for a Christmas visit.  We’re meeting her, along with her sister and niece, at Escalante’s – home of the greatest queso.  Today, we’ll wrap up some Christmas shopping and hang out.  The same will be said of tomorrow.  Sunday is the big day.

 

On Sunday, we are expecting roughly 24 people at our house for a good old-fashioned Christmas celebration.  Earlier this year, we lost my Uncle Don, so this will be the first Christmas without him.  We’ll have the traditional turkey, ham, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, Nanny’s chocolate pie, and pumpkin rolls.  As long as the cooking is smooth, we can expect a successful party.  My cousins that I NEVER see are even coming in town for it.  The one person missing will be my brother, which totally sucks.

 

My bro and I did not get along when we were kids.  In fact, I could never wear a tank top because my arms were black and blue from him hitting me.  I worshipped him (as most younger siblings worship their older ones) and would agree to absolutely anything.  He’d invite me to play basketball, but only if I wore roller skates.  I’d do it.  He’d invite me to play football, but I was the football.  No problem.  He even dared me to jump off the roof once onto some pillows, acting like that would cushion the fall.  I did it.  Yes, my brother had it in for me when we were kids, but we always had a good Christmas.  We’d never fight on Christmas Eve.  We’d wait upstairs anxiously for Santa to drop off the presents so we could run down and open them.  That’s what happens when you come from a divorced family – you get a story about how Santa knows the situation and stops by early in the night with the presents so that you can spend Christmas Day with the other parent.  Bro and I would wait and then we’d run down as soon as Santa left.  We’d tear into our presents, each showing off to the other.  There would be laughter, the dog would be running around, my step-father would wear whatever ridiculous thing we got him, and my mom would be wearing her new robe.  It was perfect and that’s the way Christmas is supposed to be – family enjoying family.  (Here is my brother, along with our cousins Shawn and Kyle – and then me satisfying some sort of oral fixation)

 

 

When we got older, my brother and I actually developed a good sibling relationship when we both pulled out our Camels and reached for the same Shiner.  “You ARE my sister!” he said.  And now, I daresay we might be friends.  I absolutely hate spending Christmas without him.  I think this will be my third without him and it’s killing me.  Next summer, he and his wife will be moving to Austin, and that will have to change.  I can’t spend Christmas without my brother anymore.  (Here we are in a Christmas portrait we did for our parents about 11 years ago)

 

 

Luckily, my wonderful hubby and baby girl are the greatest family in the world, so it’s not like I’m hurting at Christmastime.  We’ll celebrate and get to experience it through the Bugaboo.  And then maybe she’ll have a sibling one day whom she can’t imagine being without at a time when family is so important.  (Last but not least, one of our family portraits from this year)

 

You better watch out…

Last weekend, we took our daughter to see Santa Claus.  I knew there was a chance that she’d be scared of him and hate us for life, but I thought we’d maybe get one picture of her at least looking bewildered.  That didn’t happen.

 

We arrived at the mall along with a hundred other shoppers since Christmas is just around the corner.  My best friend, her husband, and their baby were meeting us up there.  The hubby and I scouted the mall to see where Santa would be, and we found him right outside of American Eagle.  He had a big red chair, a mailbox, some packages, and a little house behind him.  The line wasn’t terribly long, so we went ahead and got in it.  Bugaboo immediately wanted to get out and walk around.  This would be fine if she’d hold onto our hands, but she wants to be independent.  So, her walking around consists of her constantly running into people, waving to strangers, pulling clothes off the lower shelves of stores, and screaming in delight the whole time.  Everyone watches the cute little girl in the blue dress and think, “Oh, what a happy little girl.”  Then her daddy would pick her up and she’d scream as if she’s being kidnapped and people would look at him like, “Why are you making that sweet little girl cry?”  I’d walk around with her and found myself constantly apologizing to people like the man in the wheelchair who had to maneuver through a tiny space to get past her; or the family who had to all separate because Bugaboo went straight through the middle of the group; or the man who really wanted to be alone, but instead had this little bundle of joy in his face, waving, saying “Hi!”  All I had to do was stand in front of her and hold my arms out for a hug and she’d run the other direction.  Soon, we caught on that we needed to get in people’s ways so that the little one would turn around and go bother someone else.  Needless to say, we were not popular outside Santa’s house that day.

 

Finally, we decided to put her in the stroller, let her cry it out (the mall was loud enough and the Christmas music kind of drowned her out) and let her drink juice and eat animal crackers.  We underestimated the wait time and it ended up being an hour and a half.  The last part of that was Bugaboo screaming at us, bucking if we held her, and hitting us to put her down.  Meanwhile, my best friend’s baby was looking around, smiling at strangers, and never made a sound.  Granted, he’s only 4 months old, but still.

 

It was time to see Santa.  Bugaboo was crying because her daddy dared to hug her.  I was trying to pull out the cameras and get ready for a tantrum.  The greeter tried to cheer up Bugaboo, but she was having none of that.  In fact, the only time she calmed down was to give said greeter a dirty look.  The greeter left us.  We went to Santa and for some reason, it was decided that I should put her on his lap.  I put her down and the tears started.  I ran back to the camera and tried to get her to smile, but we ended up getting pictures of her reaching out to the camera with her arms as if to say, “HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!”  We got some of her pulling as far away as possible from him as if to say, “You stink!  I hate you!!”  And then we got the one of her all tense with her mouth wide open and the tears streaming as if to say, “Why don’t my parents love me?!?!”  It was awful.  Scarring.  Traumatic.  And that’s just how the daddy and I felt.

 

Afterwards, we bought our picture to remind us that next year, we need to get her used to Santa before throwing her on his lap.  She rested her head on my shoulder as we checked out, but I could feel the resentment.  In fact, that night was one of the worst sleeps yet – first she threw up all over herself and the crib and then she woke up screaming at about 3 am.

 

We all need those pictures of us screaming on Santa’s lap, right?  Right??

 

Oh!  And afterwards we went to Friday’s for some lunch with the best friend, husband, and baby.  The baby was crying when we got there and they were trying to calm him down.  When I looked at Bugaboo, she was looking at the baby like, “What the hell is wrong with you?”  Then she looked at me, smiled, and stuffed an orange in her mouth.  Ah, that’s my little bugaboo…

There’s no business like show business

This week on Facebook, people have been posting quizzes and, I’ll admit, I’ve fallen for them.  I’ve filled them out, hoping to get a couple right, and then whining in frustration when I can no longer think about favorite songs from musicals or when I last saw somebody.  However, I still find myself going to Facebook and answering people’s “notes” and then posting them myself on my profile.  One that was posted asked questions about how we knew each other, when we last saw each other, what my middle name is, what music I listen to.  Most of the people who have answered put down “show tunes” under music.  I’ll admit, in my younger years, I was quite the musical theatre buff.  Friends would often turn to me for audition songs or to hear scoop on the latest and greatest show on Broadway.  I’ve since lost touch with that world.

 

At the age of 18, I moved to NY.  Why?  Well, I was supposed to.  I grew up knowing that I would do musical theatre for my career.  I loved musical theatre, had dreams of being Eva Peron or Eponine, and my music library consisted of everything from Annie Get Your Gun to The Wiz.  My poor brother had to endure countless hours drowning out me singing “And I Am Telling You” at the top of my lungs.  Everyone expected me to go to Broadway and make it big.  I was in a long distance relationship at the time – that was my first mistake.  I went up there only knowing 2 souls – that was my second mistake.  My third mistake?  I didn’t really want it.  There was absolutely no drive.  I realized that what I desired most was stability.  That might sound boring to you all, but I don’t like surprises or the unexpected.  I have a very difficult time dealing with that.  I like to know what’s going on, how it’s going on, and why it’s going on.  I like the steady paychecks.  I like owning a home and not renting an apartment.  I like a reasonable mortgage and not $1500 for a little studio where my family can’t stay with me.  You put all this together and NY is not the place for someone like me to be.

 

I came back home and did some community theatre around Houston.  I enjoyed it for a while, made great friends doing it, and then got tired of the politics.  It’s very disheartening to see that even in community theatre in Houston, Texas, there are politics and game-playing.  I’m very opinionated and didn’t put up with a lot of games, which immediately made me an outcast in the community.  That’s when I stopped doing theatre just to do theatre.  If I do a show now, it’s because I believe in the story, the director, and the cast.  I’m a wife and mother and don’t have time to deal with any nonsense.  If something is going to take me away from my family, it had better be good.

 

So, all these people putting down “show tunes” as my favorite music – I’m sorry to disappoint.  I’m no longer musical theatre’s biggest fan.  In fact, my favorite shows are all old: Les Miserables, Beauty and the Beast, Jesus Christ Superstar, and Aspects of Love.

 

What’s my favorite type of music?  Well, right now it’s holiday music.